I can text with my tongue
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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