covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
thus making me awesome and them whores
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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