I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
