overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
