So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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