Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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