If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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