Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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