Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize