So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
