Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize