If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
