I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Are my feet made of real feet?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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