you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
should my penis look like a turkey
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
