This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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