OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
