i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
