I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
