Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
