At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My bed smells like the plague
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