i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
