dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
