I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
