No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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