it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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