she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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