I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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