Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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