I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
