I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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