I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
