We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
