Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
