You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
