Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
