Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
