I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
