just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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