It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
