I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
