just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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