Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
