I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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