Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
