if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
