You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
