Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
