actually, I'm a sock model
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
