Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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