I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
