Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
