Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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