You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
