I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
