Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
