My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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