Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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