U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
