don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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