If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
