the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i believe in u and ur pee
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
