I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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