dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize