I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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