bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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