I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The adults are the big ones right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
