my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize