i barfeds in our rink
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
