I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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