whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
