Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
