Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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