why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We need to get me chipped asap
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
