I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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