imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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