i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is wine microwaveable?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
