you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize