honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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