Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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