thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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