I want to stick my p in your. b.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
