check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
