and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
50% drunk capacity currently
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
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