Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
