I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
