i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize